Poem/lyrics
By Sonic Reducer. 14/04/09, 06:12 pm |
| Ok I have written lyrics for years now (yes I used to do musics) so thought i'd throw some of my old stuff up. This one is written more like a poem but oh well
its called
IF
A child A boy lies in his room his world a mix of fantasy and reality whats the truth to someone so young if he only knew then what he knows now if he only knew then what he knows now
the boy now a full grown adult a new house a new room god created dirt so flowers can grow but can he? is this what its like to be an adult? if he only knew now what he knew then no trade backs
the man a boy creating worlds of clay creates a new world for himself |
|  Sonic Reducer EVEN MORE EPICLY EPIC
Number of posts : 675 Age : 37 Location : Hamilton Transforms into : Your mother Gender : Undisclosed Registration date : 2008-07-28
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Re: Poem/lyrics
By Aikome. 23/04/09, 03:51 pm |
| I like it. "god created dirt so flowers can grow but can he?" Especially this. Kinda unstructured at the end.. but it's not a peom is it? Anyway, I like the words you've used. Simple, direct. -thumbs up- |
|  Aikome TEH WIZARD OF OZ.
Number of posts : 1564 Age : 30 Location : Auckland Transforms into : TROLL :3 Gender : Female Registration date : 2009-04-03
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Re: Poem/lyrics
By Sonic Reducer. 24/04/09, 07:42 am |
| thanks  I might as well post other stuff I have done so heres another one. Let go
i see the world feel your breath broken home nothing left you see the path as the pedulam swings to time i see the rose in the rain
broken rose silver cloud arms folded cross inside locked self i'll follow the path to where it takes me still hold the pain can you see me
(chorus) let me go x4
trembling eyes broken smile forest found mind echoing pile im running in the dark to where you can see me arms opened up do you see me do you see me do you see me dad do you see me
*chorus* let me go x5
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|  Sonic Reducer EVEN MORE EPICLY EPIC
Number of posts : 675 Age : 37 Location : Hamilton Transforms into : Your mother Gender : Undisclosed Registration date : 2008-07-28
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Re: Poem/lyrics
By Aikome. 24/04/09, 02:47 pm |
| Good stuff (This one) makes better sense written in a lyrical way. I like how it's literal yet the words are symbolistic. And the part where you've used repetition and tacked on the "dad" Another -thumbs up- |
|  Aikome TEH WIZARD OF OZ.
Number of posts : 1564 Age : 30 Location : Auckland Transforms into : TROLL :3 Gender : Female Registration date : 2009-04-03
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Re: Poem/lyrics
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