When I was back in China in December, I waited with my Mum in the bank and in that bank there was this stupid yuppy OH SO SHINY LOOK WE ARE CLASSY AND MONEY LOOK HOW EUROPEAN BUILDING WE ARE commercials playing in loop. One of them was filmed in Christchurch, with the Art Centre buildings and the Cathedral getting contrast added up to a million, you know that kind of commercials. My Mum and I jokingly argued ages about whether a particular two seconds was filmed in one tram area or another, because WOO I KNOW MORE ABOUT CHRISTCHURCH THAN YOU thing.

I don't know why but I was suddenly getting this flash back today, and I just realised it doesn't matter. Whatever the area it was, from the identifiable to the non identifiable, they are all gone now. All gone and probably isn't worth bringing back because another earthquake will hit it anyway. I haven't been back there for almost two years now. What's in my memory is just that. It's an ad I can't even find to compare against a back drop that we can't even agree on what tram station it was.

It's like this whole I don't feel like I can really say anything consider I don't live in Christchurch anymore and I'm not even all that flattering toward the place. This isn't about me and so many people right here are actually suffering with their lives changed forever and there're nothing I can do and it's not about me.

I don't know. Like I feel bad for feeling the loss because it's such an up me one to the ones who are living the gentle caress of a reality.

This post is whiny and pointless.