A New Project i'm working on

By Strieth [Leon]. 17/07/08, 01:54 pm

I'm kinda drawing a manga right now. You see, this teenager moves to this High School because His parents split up. At this new High School, there is a Secret Midnight Fightclub the teachers don't know about. The new kid hits on this guys girlfriend by accident and He gets kidnapped and wakes up at Fight Club and He ends up proving His strength.. But it's alot more complex.

What i'm having trouble on are the names. I was thinking of getting Golden Bird translated into Japanese, and having that as 'Insert Golden Bird in Japanese' High. Now, I'm tempted to call this main character 'Strieth', and have him quite smartly dressed with a unique hair style (Nothing to over the top, just the regular anime teenager hair with a hint of uniqueness). Long Sleeved Button Up shirt, jeans.. Meh. Most of the Fight Club members are going to look sort of like bandits, with the Buffness and the beanies and vests.

I'm headed towards Strieth having beaten almost everybody in the school, but then this other new kid comes along and takes everybody out with no effort whats-so-ever. He then decides to challenge Strieth eventully, where it goes on with threats and hype.. Meh. Any ideas?

By bekah. 18/07/08, 08:48 am

golden bird --> kin tori or kin na tori
something like that~ i think ><

By **Tamoo**. 18/07/08, 09:48 am

Hm.... This idea is interesting, but... the character seems a bit gary stu :/
Beating almost everyone?

By Pyro. 19/07/08, 07:34 pm

Definitely a Stu.

By Pura. 19/07/08, 07:44 pm

Mmm, stew.

**Guest** Guest

Well since these guys are just making comments about Gary Stu without being constructive at all ( Razz

). If there is some doubt that he might be a Gary Stu, you should try a Litmus test. "Generic Mary Sue listmus test" on google gets about a dozen results.

People dont like to read Gary Stu's/Mary Sue's coz they're generally boring and unoriginal and indicitive of lazy character creation. Although done well they can be hysterically funny Very Happy

HOWEVER - a great many of people favourite characters are RAGING Sues/Stus. Harry Potter. Luke Skywalker (although he's less than Potter). Goku is pretty serious Stu. Batman, Superman, Spiderman all Stu's. I'm trying to think of famous Sues. Most Disney Princesses.

So in terms of constructive criticism - I think you need to look closely at WHY and HOW he's beating practically everyone in the school. If he's overpowering them with brute force, thats silly. If he's actually a master strategist and gets them like that instead of fighting, thats much better.

As an example - The Dark Knight Strike Back. It's a very old Batman story in which Batman kicks Supermans arse. Kicks it goooood. Not by using kryptonite, coz thats cheap, but by getting a ten year run up and outsmarting him. THAT'S what lets Batman, a perfectly normal human, with less superpowers than Catwoman, beat Superman, a being who could literally tear the planet to peices with his bare hands. Its considered one of the best Batman stories of all time.

By Kei. 20/07/08, 12:21 pm

Not trying to sound rude or anything but can you expand on that introductory synopsis/prelude? There's not much of a 'tagline/focus' to hang/grab onto, to pull you deeper.

But then again, it sounds like Volcano High and that film was hilarious.

**Guest** Guest

I LOVE Volcano high. I've watched it twice and I STILL have NO idea whats going on. (No we aren't highjacking the thread! Very Happy

)

By Kei. 21/07/08, 12:52 pm

I've seen it more than 2 times and I just pretend there's no plot now. It already takes a lot of brainpower just to make heads of what's going on. o_O

e.g: when that one sub-ord. of Jang Ryang jumps out the window in an entire run and dive super expressive fashion for no reason....and that's right at the start. Mannn... =_=

By azeria. 21/07/08, 01:07 pm

OMG Volcano High is awesome, I need to steal it off my sister so I can watch it again
/off topic

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