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Kiki is writing a fanfic By Guest. 12/11/09, 08:30 am |
| okay just before I show you what I have written, please take into consideration im not much of a writer, I don't write often, and definitely not a full story, so this is kinda a big thing for me. Don't be scared to tell me it's total utter crap though. Spend the last 20 minutes writing this 83.
- Spoiler:
[Vocaloid.exe]
Chapter one: Magnet.
I am one of those people, the kind of person that hates change. Always wanted things to stay the same no matter how it would look to other people. I wanted to live my life in the same place with my friends. Like they say ‘You can’t always get what you want.’ My idiotic dream was just that, a dream. Dreams are fake. They can never come true.
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It was a hot summer afternoon. The cicadas were buzzing loudly, invading my mind, trying into interrupt my train of thought. I was unhappy. Why did my father have to get this new job in a town in the middle of nowhere? This was a place where I would have no friends, have no idea where to go, not being familiar with an area was a big thing for me, I was used to always knowing where to go everyday, now I’m actually going to have to ask for directions, what a sad predicament. The sun was high in the sky, shining it’s hot rays down at me, it made a mirage of water on the road infront of us. I stared out the front window of the car trying to follow it with my eyes, until finally I lost interest. So, with little else to do I pulled my headphones up over my head and softly positioned them over my ears, and infront of my two long, lush turquoise ponytails. I then selected a song, “Vanilla” by Gackt. I started started tapping my right foot to the music. Sighing I closed my eyes and blocked out the world, aided by music.
-
Before I knew it we had arrived in the small village I would now call home, full of strangers. I didn’t like this place at all, I had this feeling, something, somewhere just didn’t sit right with me.
It's definitely not finished yet, nowhere near in fact. anyway, tell me what you think |
| Guest Guest
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| Re: Kiki is writing a fanfic By DarkGaia. 12/11/09, 10:44 am |
| Wow, its short, but its actually realy good, please write mroe xD? |
| DarkGaia Superman
Number of posts : 264 Age : 28 Location : Somewhere with gravity. Transforms into : Ceres. Phuket in Thailand YEAH 8D Gender : Male Registration date : 2009-11-07
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| Re: Kiki is writing a fanfic By Guest. 12/11/09, 12:16 pm |
| okay, updated 8D
- Spoiler:
[Vocaloid.exe]
Chapter one: Music.
I am one of those people, the kind of person that hates change. Always wanted things to stay the same no matter how it would look to other people. I wanted to live my life in the same place with my friends. Like they say ‘You can’t always get what you want.’ My idiotic dream was just that, a dream. Dreams are fake. They can never come true.
-
It was a hot summer afternoon. The cicadas were buzzing loudly, invading my mind, trying into interrupt my train of thought. I was unhappy. Why did my father have to get this new job in a town in the middle of nowhere? This was a place where I would have no friends, have no idea where to go, not being familiar with an area was a big thing for me, I was used to always knowing where to go everyday, now I’m actually going to have to ask for directions, what a sad predicament. The sun was high in the sky, shining it’s hot rays down at me, it made a mirage of water on the road infront of us. I stared out the front window of the car trying to follow it with my eyes, until finally I lost interest. So, with little else to do I pulled my headphones up over my head and softly positioned them over my ears, and infront of my two long, lush turquoise ponytails. I then selected a song, “Vanilla” by Gackt. I started started tapping my right foot to the music. Sighing I closed my eyes and blocked out the world, aided by music.
-
Before I knew it we had arrived in the small village I would now call home, full of strangers. I didn’t like this place at all, I had this feeling, something, somewhere just didn’t sit right with me. My father was sitting next to me in the front, acting like I wasn’t even alive. Not once during the long car ride did he talk to me.
Eventually we reached out new home. It was two stories high, painted a subtle deep brown. I looked down at the ground, I didn’t like this house, I just wanted to go back to Tokyo, the place where I belonged. My father nudged me.
“Cheer up, you’ll make some new friends and settle in before you know it.” He said almost sarcastically. I knew he didn’t care, all he cared about was the larger paychecks he would be getting each week by being in this hellhole. I continued looking at the ground.
By now it was dark, and relatively late, the sky was dark and filled with shining stars. There was a slight breeze the air, that was cooling as the day was hot. I always liked summer nights, especially nice breezy ones.
The moving company had come and gone before we had arrived, so at least I didn’t have to worry about being social with those people. I decided the best thing to do was just go to my room, lay in my bed and listen to the music that would take me away from this place.
I exited the car, and walked up to our new house, looking at it, not appreciating it. Wearing my old ripped jeans, white short-sleeved button-up shirt and black tie I looked up at the starry sky. It was only thing I admired in this place, the clarity, the beauty of the stars shining high above.
“Here…” Dad threw a key at me, which I failed to catch, so I bent down to pick it up. “It’s the key to the house; go in while I check the mailbox for the mail I got forwarded here.” So I stepped up to the door and inserted the key into the lock, and turned the key. It clicked, and I twisted the steel handle and opened the door. Once I analyzed the surroundings I came to the conclusion that this new house was way better than our old apartment in Tokyo. Dad walked in and threw a stack of letters onto the couch.
“I’m going to sleep now, If your hungry there is some instant ramen on the counter.”
“’Night” I replied depressingly. I felt rather hungry so I decided I would have the instant ramen. Once the Microwave beeped I removed it from the microwave and stirred it with my chopsticks. I decided I would eat the steaming hot ramen outside, so I put it down on the counter and ran upstairs. I decided that I would like to eat my ramen while wearing my summer yukata, so I opened up a series of boxes until I found my neatly folded yukata. I removed my clothes and put on my yukata, it was so cool and light. Then I walked downstairs, picked up my ramen off the kitchen counter and slowly walked outside.
The steam from the ramen was move obvious now, and I smelt the aroma of the first thing I had eaten since breakfast. I sat on the porch and swung my legs playfully, tapping the side of the porch eat time, while I ate my ramen.
I'll be going through the last two paragraphs or so and making them more descriptive. I changed the first chapter title =D |
| Guest Guest
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| Re: Kiki is writing a fanfic By DarkGaia. 12/11/09, 01:44 pm |
| Haha, the ramen eating was described so much, I could nearly taste it myself =w=
(wow, thats was a weird comment) Its good so far, good job! xD |
| DarkGaia Superman
Number of posts : 264 Age : 28 Location : Somewhere with gravity. Transforms into : Ceres. Phuket in Thailand YEAH 8D Gender : Male Registration date : 2009-11-07
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| Re: Kiki is writing a fanfic By Guest. 12/11/09, 01:44 pm |
| lol thankyou 8D need to make it better before i carry on =D |
| Guest Guest
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| Re: Kiki is writing a fanfic By mystix-candy. 13/11/09, 08:12 am |
| It's a good story for someone who's not a frequent writer :3 A lot of the sentences start with 'I' I noticed...try changing the sentence structure a bit otherwise it gets a bit repetitive :3 But other than that, nice story 8D |
| mystix-candy forum prisoner.
Number of posts : 2542 Age : 31 Location : Yasogami High Transforms into : 5th Generation Anti Shadow Suppression Weapon Gender : Female Registration date : 2009-07-25
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